The key to survival in an arbitrary and cruel world, whether filled with zombies or otherwise, is looking after number one. That means never wasting a moment helping someone who can’t do something for you.
Now, I didn’t exactly sign up to take orders from Miss Monday. But waking up mid-air over the Ukraine with a new arm and eye doesn’t exactly give you the chance to walk out the door. And, after getting a good look at her, I could imagine quite a few things she could do for – and to – me.
Aside from that sexy exception (sexception?), only the weak and softhearted let the pathetic and needy slow them down. In 28 Weeks Later, all the zombies – excuse me, “Rage Infected” – in not-so-Great-now-are-ya? Britain have died from starvation following a quarantine. And, for some inexplicable reason, the eager beavers at NATO think 7 months is enough time to start moving back in.
Once, I ate some month-old dumplings we found to win a 500¥ bet. I won but wound up turning the bathroom into its own biohazard quarantine zone. I, however, didn’t wait 7 minutes (or 7 months) to see if the smell would go away. I knew the best course of action was to burn down that particular dojo.
Back to the movie: surprise, surprise – a new outbreak starts when a cowardly, sentimental bureaucrat goes and gets himself infected because he can’t resist checking up on the zombie wife he’d left to die. Then, for some reason, he just stalks his kids for the rest of the movie. Instead of enjoying a zombie turkey shoot, an uptight goody-two-shoes sniper decides he has to save the kids. As it turns out, one of the little snots is a carrier for the virus, and the sniper’s wasted efforts to save them by getting them out of the country just winds up unleashing a monstrous fate on the rest of the world
Hm… where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, when Ryu saved that mute girl only to have her turn into some sort of crazed Goddess who threatened the whole world. See? That’s why it never pays to help anyone but yourself.