Demon, deadite, zombie… it doesn’t matter what you call ‘em—the reanimated dead make great practice. In any case, they’re no match for my blade. They weren’t much of a match for Ash Williams in the The Evil Dead, either. You know the story: a group of teenagers go to an isolated cabin in the woods, make bad life decisions, unleash horrors, and get massacred. Now, I don’t much know or care what actually caused our zombie outbreak. I haven’t seen any books bound in human flesh or inked in human blood lying around, though that Necromonicon sounds like a real page-turner. (Maybe I’ll start a hobby bookbinding my victims’ skin—starting with Ryu Hayabusa).
Ash didn’t really have much of a clue, either. He and his crew are blind to the fact their friend has been possessed and needs to be put down as soon as possible. Instead, they keep her in the basement. Even the damn professor on the tape they found spells it out for them: DISMEMBER the Deadites. In fact, the hero isn’t even the first one to see dismemberment as the solution to life’s problems. Nope, it’s his friend Scott who does what needs doing. Even when given the chance to wield one of the best tools for the job, a chainsaw, he can’t even nut up to dismember his girlfriend.
Still, Ash has it pretty rough. Having your hand possessed by an evil force is no picnic. To his credit, he didn’t have to go 127 hours before working up the courage to cut it off. Personally, I didn’t have much of a choice in how or when I lost my arm—Ryu Hayabusa took care of that for me.
But the joke’s on Ryu. Like Ash in Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness, I got upgraded. Ash’s makeshift chainsaw hand is pretty nice and the medieval robot hand can crush a goblet with the best of them. I have to say, though, my upgrades have him beat. Miss Monday really tricked me out. Not only do I still have fingers—got to have at least the most important one for Ryu—but I’ve got sweet blades built into my upgrade. It’s really the best of both worlds and way more badass than Ash’s wildest dreams.
Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z Promotional Tie-Ins
|Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z #1 - Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z #2 - Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z #3|
|Yaiba’s Weekly Backhand|
|You Only Live Twice - Gymkata - The Evil Dead Trilogy - G.I. Joe Retaliation - The Serpent and the Rainbow - Ninja Assassin - 28 Weeks Later - Ninja Cheerleaders - OneChanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers - Norwegian Ninja - Planet Terror - Goemon - John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars - Shadow Fury - Dead Alive - The Octagon - Stalled - Lethal Ninja - Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead - The Hunted - Bong of the Dead - Kill ‘Em All - Helldriver - Cheerleader Ninjas - Dead Snow - Sin City|